To All Who Want to Be Mothers But Can’t

Mother’s Day used to give me anxiety. I’ve always thought (expected) that I’d have kids of my own, like many women, by my 30’s or 40’s. But I don’t. Not by choice.

And each time this day comes around and all my friends and family would greet each other Happy Mother’s Day, I’d always feel left out. I’d imagine someone about to greet me, then stop short, realizing I wasn’t. It was a sore reminder of my infertility. Something that wasn’t my fault yet I was so ashamed of. 

Some people would still greet me since I am technically a mother - a stepmom of 3 who all live far away from me and whom I’ve spent only a handful of times with. Though few, I tried my best to make those moments count. I cherish those days, those weeks that I got to bond with and nurture these 3 beautiful girls. And each time they left, it felt like a piece of me left too.

My anxiety has gone down if not completely disappeared in recent months. I no longer feel depressed by the thought that I won’t have kids of my own. Maybe it’s the fact that I have officially gone into early menopause. That just puts an end to all dreams of having a child. At least one that I give birth to. That’s that. It’s a wrap.

What I didn’t expect was for that realization to be exhilarating. I thought it was going to be the opposite - depressing. But it wasn’t. I think it’s because that’s literally the Universe telling me that that chapter is done. Finito. It’s time to turn the page and focus on something else.

And it has been insanely liberating.

Within the last few months, my energy, creativity, and drive have soared, more than they ever had. My purpose became clearer. My priorities simplified.

I am whole, with or without a child.

I am of value, with or without a child.

I have purpose, with or without a child.

I can be a source of good, with or without a child.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who have birthed another human being, an idea, a business, a cause, a good deed.

Have a blessed Sunday.